Have you ever wondered about that feeling of uneasiness you have when you're thinking about breaking your word?
Like when you tell a friend you're going to his party, but you end up having too much work to do that day and feeling like you were ran over by a truck but you still go because of that damn feeling? That feeling comes from what psychologists call Commitment and Consistency, and we're going to use it to make new friends!
Commitment and consistency, according to psychologists, comes from the fact that we as a society have grown because our words have that power over us. If whatever we said was meaningless, society as we know it wouldn't exist.
They say that consistency in enforcing our commitments is a sign that the person is a highly mature and valuable person. That's why we don't like flaky people, and why they tend to be isolated from society.
So, the first lesson you should take from this article: if you commit, be consistent with your word. If you tell your kids that you're going to turn off the TV if they keep messing up the house, do it. If you tell your boss that you'll have everything ready by tomorrow, do it. If you tell your friends that you'll be at their party, be there!
No excuses allowed!
If you can't do it, say that you can't and you'll continue to be consistent in your behavior, which is better than being flaky.
The second lesson from this article is: make the people you want to transform in your friend, to commit to the 'dates' you set up. Ask them directly: "Are you coming with me to the movies on Saturday?" and they'll either say no, or you'll have a new friend.
Don't be afraid of rejection; because it's better for someone to say no to you, than for them to say yes and cancel while you're getting ready.
If you get them to commit to your directly phrased request, they are A LOT more likely to comply, as psychologists have proven time and time again. And you'll be able to apply our other tactics and techniques in order to reel them in to your side!
Don't ask them by saying: "Do you want to come with me..." because they can always say "Yes, I want to go BUT...". The indirectly phrased question is a lot easier to be said, but a lot less effective in making people comply with your requests.
One way I like to do it, is to make the indirectly phrased request first then in the middle of the conversation when everyone is laughing (the high point of the interaction), I ask them the direct question, and because it's the high point of the conversation they're more likely to say YES!
By the way, if you really want to learn how to make friends you should join my newsletter... Just opt-in on the right-side menu! It's easy and quick!
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