Step 1: Open!

When making friends, the first step has to be the opening of a communication channel. It doesn't matter if it is verbal or non-verbal, I will teach you how to do both.

The easiest way to strike a conversation is by saying the obvious - "Hi my name is _____!". If you want to befriend the person you are sitting next to, you can touch them in the arm as you say that. Don't hold them, don't do any kind of weird touching. A light touch signaling friendliness is the best way to show that you are open to them, and that you want to be their friend.

A non-verbal way to open a communication channel is to use your body to do something fun. For instance, spread your arms wide open on the chairs next to you, and as the person you want to become friends with sits down, you can say: "Ouch! You hurt me!!!" with a smile in your face, to show that you are kidding. Most of the times, this is the best way to make friends quickly.

There are also a couple of rules of body language and communication that you have to follow:

1. Speak loudly!
2. Smile!
3. Don't cross your arms!
4. Keep eye contact!
5. Remember their names, and call them by their first name whenever possible!

This is enough for now.

 

Step 2: Discover!

Discover is the process of uncovering your new friends' likes and dislikes. It may sound hard, but it is very easy. First, let me make a distinction between deep rapport, and wide rapport.

Rapport is your ability to help people feel friendly towards you. Deep rapport is whenever you are talking to a person and get to know everything they know about one single subject. For instance, if you only know your friend because you both have dogs, you could fall on the trap of always talking only about dogs, having deep rapport about dogs.

Now imagine what would happen if you simply began talking about something else, like movies, after speaking about dogs for a couple of weeks. Wouldn't it be weird?

This is why we want wide rapport.
Wide rapport is when you can talk about anything with the other person, from dogs to the ugly teacher, you may even want to mention how that teacher looks like a bulldog. It is all about finding out everything your new friend has to offer.
Does he have a girlfriend? Where did she buy her clothes? What does she do on weekends? Etc.

When making friends, keep in mind that what you want is to have wide rapport. To discover everything they like and dislike, not just the color of his dog.

Remember to have stories to tell, and to practice them beforehand. This way, you can keep them entertained for a while if you don't know what to ask next!

Step 3: Deepen!

Now that you have wide rapport, you have to deepen that rapport so that you become best friends. This means that you have to have fun together!

I used to call my new friends over the weekend to go to the movies or to go get something to eat at a good restaurant nearby. This is the first weekend after you guys have met, by the way!

When you get there, I want you to ask simple questions to find the values of your new friend. For instance, if he loves dogs, you can ask him: "What do you love about dogs?" and before he answers, you give a deep answer by yourself. You can tell him that you love the trust your dogs put in yourself, anything like that. And they will answer with a deep answer too.

This is when you guys go to the next level of the friendship. This is the step that makes those long lasting friends.

Step 4: Intensify!

This is the step that will get people addicted to you. If you want to become popular, you want to make people addicted to being near you.  I am going to show you a less potent technique than the one I teach in my guide. This is because it is so powerful, that in the wrong hands, it can create cults.

To intensify people's feelings for you, you have to learn how to be cold sometimes. I know, it may sound weird, but it is the truth!

I'll tell you a little story about Andy Warhol, the famous painter, in order to illustrate the power of this technique to you.

When Warhol started his career, he made pretty, stylized drawings, and some of them he sent to a successful writer called Truman Capote. Warhol called Capote every day. One time, when Capote got to his home, he found Andy Warhol sitting in his living room chatting with his mother. Finally, Capote put an end to all this and even said that Warhol was a hopeless, born loser.

Ten years later, Warhol had his first one-man show at the Stable Gallery in Manhattan. At the opening and at the after-party, he stood to the side, staring blankly, talking little. Signaling that he didn't need other people, that he was living in his own little world.

With that signal, he created this incredible power within himself, drawing people in, making them want to be near him. He created an emotional vacuum, and people felt compelled to fill it in.

So this is what I want you to do: I want you to be friendly most of the times, but then spend a week or two being completely cold and enigmatic.

This is slightly manipulative, but I guarantee it will work!

 

With Love,
Eduardo.